With the majority of stalking victims knowing their stalker either in a direct relationship or at least having them in their ‘relationship orbit’ getting the best advice and making sure you are safe is the most important thing when you have to survive a stalker.
The experience we have had with our stalker showed us the darker side of what would probably be a ‘Resentful Stalker‘ (I may never know actually) so make no mistake these people are unstable, irrational and very likely have all kinds of pent up, un-processed emotions, attitudes which they have chosen to aim at a target.
In our case, as our story unraveled this was a person who came from a very alcoholic family, who was known for being moody, manipulative and highly emotional to start with. Most people dismissed their behavior since it was masked with an outwardly happy face.
An Obsessive Mind Does Not Stop Obsessing
While I have read some about this topic. This gem of an insight mostly comes from very practical, real experience. Most bullies may even get tired of bullying someone people get tired of harassing, and persecuting someone… And eventually move on or move on to someone else. Not the stalker, they seem to live for even the slightest reaction. Even non-reactions seem to be justification somehow. This is definitely a waste of a perfectly good capability for laser-like focus.
Solution: Seek out help from law enforcement, counselors and family and friends in your area. Document instances of vandalism, trespassing and any violent behaviors
Stalkers Stalk Someone for a Reason
Unlike more random oriented crimes towards people stalkers stalk for a reason. Whether the stalker is aware and chooses to share it with other people, any time there is such an obsessive focus on one person (sometimes two) there is a reason. For victims of stalking, increasing personal safety is the most important thing you can do.
If the target does not give in or acquiesce then there is the possibility of some form of retaliation.
Punishment is a big deal with our stalker as we found out. Plus we had the joy of a very passive aggressive stalker with unspoken issues. So anything even body language would set them off yet you would not know it but the vandalism, break ins and other destructive behaviors which would ensue for days afterwards let you know that was ‘punishment’.
Solution: Surveillance systems with cameras are going to be one of the best ways to protect your self and your property while providing a way to document for law enforcement any stalking behaviors.
Direct Communication with the Stalker Might Be a Bad Idea
Since stalkers demonstrate an obsessive emotional component while not necessarily expressing any of their internal process they may be going through, it is hard to judge if speaking to them directly is a good thing or not.
In some cases, direct communication and explicit instructions to “Stay off the property”, ” Keep Your Distance” are a bad idea and only gives them an increased sense of power over their targets.
Should a restraining order be needed, then definitely have law enforcement deliver that piece of news. If nothing else a clear line will have been drawn as to what behaviors are acceptable, and it will come from a higher authority than the target.
In other cases they may feel they are being spurned and may encourage retaliation. In any case getting help from local law enforcement and counselors is sound advice when dealing with someone whose mental and emotional stability is so questionable.
Solution: If possible cut all ties with the individual and be sure to involve any law enforcement with any communications regarding trespassing and aggressive behaviors.
Reasoning with An Unreasonable Stalker is not Reasonable
People who are already abusing the boundaries of someone else already have an overblown sense of entitlement to such behaviors. This is not uncommon in abusive relationships where one person feels entitled to abuse someone else.
Since normalized behaviors are often mixed in with the abusive behaviors, it is often unnoticed or dismissed by others.
With the stalker we had to deal with this type of behavior. This is very much personalized terrorism designed to be a clear threat to the target but often others do not notice nor do they take it seriously. After all, so-and-so is perfectly nice to me, “I just can’t see them being abusive to anyone”. Emotional isolation through manipulation is often the perfect ruse for stalking behavior, especially in groups of closer knit people.
Solution: Counselors and mental health professionals can provide guidance and remember these folks are not ok mentally or emotionally no matter how ‘normal’ they appear and can act, especially in a group.