Notes Archives | Notes to a Stalker

The "I know that you know that I know but no one else knows, game." You remember this game as kids... whether technology is present or not. You were playing and teasing each other with a 'secret' because the two of you knew what the secret was. With no one else knowing you could giggle over this even in a crowded room and play the game that only the two of you knew. Well there's a grown up version of this that can end up being a weapon, or at least be a cornerstone to stalker mind games. When someone knows personal information about you no matter how they've obtained it they can start playing the grown up version of the 'I know that you know that I know but no one else knows game'. Then instead of the carefree version as kids, there is the ominous threat of a wide range of consequences from embarrassment to upending relationships to a wide variety of stalking behavior. The information does not even have to be worth hiding. It's the misunderstandings that cause the damage. It's the 'Why didn't you tell me?', its the you didn't trust us with this... Whatever it is, it's the misunderstanding about even the most ordinary information that causes the damage. Somewhere in this process a line gets crossed. The trust of having private information and the decision to hold it over someone, no matter the reason and no matter the reason and no matter the information. The core ethical issue is the decision to hold it over someone at all. So it's one thing when you doing this and your six seven eight years old but it's another thing when you're well into your fifties and sixties and this is happening. It's yet another thing altogether when it's tied to regular break ins, harassment, bullying and tampering with your vehicle. The "See, I can sway them and ruin your relationship, game." This sucks when everyone or even a large portion of a group falls for it. And that happens way too often. Now this one is really fun it's kind of a take off on the 'solitude amidst the crowd' a little bit because it's the 'see I can sway these people that you know in any other direction but yours', game. This game is tied to the gossip game and it depends on people being just on conscious enough and not realizing that they're being manipulated. Yes, we all need to be better than sheeple. It gets a little bit more unpredictable and excited when people are not that unconscious because then other people can make different decisions aside from the 'oh well I'm just going to go along with how this feels in the moment'. Since typically your manipulators figure out some way to make you feel good. Unless you're like me and you were raised by a sociopath and not only are these tactics a bit weak to start with, you know all of these things so well that it doesn't matter how good it feels in the moment the emotional hangover always feels worse. There's that extra added bonus of the abuse of knowing that those relationships that you're ruining with gossip will happen over time and so you'll get to spread the hurt out a little bit again and again and again that's the level of emotional abuse that this type of game can take. The "I'm able to read your mind just by your body language, game." No one knows everything. No matter how good your intuition is, and no matter how much information they have. Yep, this is weak but it happens often. That is one I've been able to have fun with just simply because anytime someone makes assumptions they could also be wrong they're counting on you to fall into their assumptions. Be aware, don't fall for the assumptions. Articulate everything... What is the Point of the Mind Games? Now, there's several psychological purposes that this process serves. 1. Abusive manipulators or narcissistic manipulators are at least a little bit if not a lot lazy underneath it all. Therefore, validation replaces effort in many cases. They need validation from other people even though they may not like people much. They may not be able to stand any real relationships in their life but they emotionally need them to continue the pattern of manipulation and abuse. 2. So that external validation of how amazing they are and how smart they are justifies it all with the non-verbal 'See... I am right after all.' The vanity that accompanies the laziness starts to become apparent with the 'I'm able to read your mind just by your body language' game. Success in the next step of this game is dependent on the people around them falling into their assumptions. 3. Anyone who has had passive aggressive tendencies and their family, non-verbal communication issues or is had to work through that will certainly recognize some of this just because you know successfully playing this and related games is built on unspoken and non-verbal assumptions. Those very same assumptions are the weakness of this game. Yet the unconsciousness of others fuels the success of the game. How you can mix it up a little bit and deal with it and actually change the game a bit. Do something unexpected or better yet, play into those assumptions so far and then totally change it 3/4 of the way through. The "I get to watch you being super stressed out because you haven't figured it out that it's me yet, game." This game is probably the most thrilling for the emotionally driven, risk-taking, abusive, manipulator because they might even be playing at least some if not all of the games above and then adding the extra part of the 'I get to watch you being super stressed out because you haven't figured it out it's me yet, game'. Again for abusive people who don't allow a space or enough space for what they don't know, those assumptions and this reliance on the unconsciousness of others to act out your deeply ingrained emotional issues can be the end of your games. Just FYI, I knew way early on what was going on and who was doing it. All the documentation was just confirmation for anyone else who had to be involved... So for all the stalkers out there, careful with the assumptive games... you might be wrong. However, the really creepy part of this is the amount of delight and joy that is obtained from hurting people weather it's emotionally, verbally, through the manipulations and/or through the illegal activities. The amount of joy that is gained from these activities is what you need to be very aware of if you are or ever have dealt with a stalker. These are the people that will run you off the road and then watch you bleed to death and drive away without calling 911. Make no mistake they will hurt you badly every chance they possibly can. So while I carry on with entertainingly snarky attitude through all of this make no mistake, I and we take this all very seriously. A kindergarten playground can turn into Lord of the Flies quickly with little to no checking for kids that discover they can bully with no consequence. Why then do we think that stalking is no big deal? It takes too much effort to work with proactively? Or we just haven't seen enough tragedy? The tragedies we face including all of these shootings are in part a result of not working with people who very much need help proactively. I have come to the conclusion that it is easier to clean up after these horrific tragedies than deal with the unknown of one or a few person's struggle proactively just simply because it is a more known process than unknown. As for our stalker circumstance... I'm working actively and proactively with this because I would like to avoid the tragedy but it takes more than just one, two or three working with a seriously mentally/emotionally ill or selfish and destructive person/s for a circumstance to evolve.

Notes

Stalker Mind Games: The Road Map to Manipulation

Stalking and Learning as the Ultimate Emotional Prison

Driving Miss Stalker: A Stalker’s Car Obsession