Going through the paces of life and having to endure, survive and ultimately extract a stalker from your life is grueling to say the least. This part is what I call ’emotional warfare’.
At some point with or without the stalker you have to check yourself to keep your sanity and your perspective. Further in that process you will need to find and keep that space where you are minimally affected by the stalking nonsense going on around you. Maintaining an even keel is also key to ultimately extracting a stalker from your life.
Invisible Wounds Hurt More than You think
Have you ever had to endure a stalker? What happens if it goes on more than just a few incidents? A few weeks? What if it’s more than just an isolated incident?
Notice the elevated anxiety levels, elevated stress levels and eventually if it goes on long enough, the nothing else in life starts looking the same. Oh yes, and the remarkable lack of support because it just is not as believable as more ‘regular’ issues.
For the target, this experience with a stalker can echo the experience most people have with a bully. Most bullies are just more out in the open.
Putting your own feeling nature back together after a prolonged experience with a stalker is tougher than it looks.
It’s All a Game
Yep, stalker deflections are absolutely amazing. I’ve actually heard this one it’s all just a game right?
Because of the plausible deniability built into stalking it’s very easy to turn around and treat this like a game to be able to walk away when it becomes too inconvenient, uncomfortable, where you get caught on camera just one too many times and you can’t brush it off as if you are helping or being ‘concerned’… at 2:30 in the morning.
What happens when you turn the table and you decide to treat the stalker the same way they’re treating do specially if you know who they are?
Only if They Can Get Away with It
This is the gem of unspoken rationalizations for stalking. When someone decides to express their ill will towards someone else in a very sneaky underhanded way so they don’t get caught they always leave themselves an out to do it again.
So you have the thrill-seeking component, the room for doubt, the ever persistent maybes, and then if you’re a fixture in that community you get to question and feed that doubt maybe add some more gossip to just fuel the fire a little bit more.
All the while you’re the one actually doing the stalking… this is the ultimate in the getting away with it mentality.
The Gamble and the getting away with it mentality go hand-in-hand. Every time the stalker decides to stalk they are both gambling and doing their best to get away with it.
Following this line of thinking accompanied with the addiction of gambling like any other bad habit eventually they get caught or they do something stupid enough to bring other seemingly unrelated consequences to themselves.
This has Nothing to Do with You
I’ve heard this from a number of places and people. I’ve also heard this from a few psychologists who have worked with people who have these kinds of issues and who stalk people.
Have you ever heard this before I have it doesn’t have anything to do with you just up in my life and causing all kinds of misery and it has nothing to do with me awesome…
It all comes down to either a deflection or Mea Culpa of… it doesn’t have anything to do with you it’s all me.
Maybe yes, maybe no but it sure as heck sounds like a cop-out to me.
If it really didn’t have anything to do with me they could pick someone else to stalk…
And then there are the Silent Ones
Now this is my favorite especially if you are having to deal with a stalker who is a fixture in your group of family and friends. As if climbing the mountain of proof for friends and family was not enough…
You mix all of these elements I’ve mentioned up to this point and then you look around the group at some point and you wonder who knows what?
Call me the realest but I’m thinking that there’s a pretty good chance that I’m not the only one that’s had to deal with this type of behavior from someone who does this.
Consider the role that gossip plays in a group whether it’s benign assumptions that we have to make every day to live or it’s not so benign chatter about other people.
Yet because friends and family don’t really understand having any meaningful conversation on anything you have been dealing with or even getting any support gasp…. can be the biggest mountain to climb. So, your friends and family end up being the ‘silent ones’ who for whatever reason can’t, won’t or don’t help, empathize, or express any concern about what you are going through.
Now take a step back and consider all these things what is left?
A big mental space that can’t be defined without misunderstanding? All kinds of unspoken assumptions between different types of people with different types of relationships? A drastically different experience mentally and emotionally from what is actually happening in real life? The cumulative effect of such misinformation and misunderstandings?
Or just more questions that keep coming up instead of any clarity?
At what point can you no longer even find the truth?
Now step back from all of this… What do you see? Time to change the game, or just not play anymore?
Hopefully, this slice of chaos shows you what emotional warfare with a stalker looks like.