Stalking, Ill Gotten Gains, Manipulation and Pretense

Surviving the Manipulation of a Stalker

As we’ve gone through our experience dealing with stalking, manipulation and all the abuse that comes with it, I have been finding myself thinking about a few things as we do our best to move on, heal and start anew.

What I have found with some types of circumstances including bullies, stalkers, and really bad breakups is they are all very unrelated. In other ways the wounds we have to heal from can be very similar.

What Does it Mean to Heal?

Moving on and healing is just as much of a day-by-day process as surviving a stalker.

There is always the notion that once the stalker is gone you will be free of this… and can somehow ride off into a “Happy ever after” ending. At least that is what we all want to think after going through a difficult ordeal. Yet, it is almost never that way in real life.

There are good days and difficult days and days where you try to ‘figure it all out’ and other days where you mentally escape any way you can and yet other days are filled with indifference looking forward to the next day. Some days you want to leave everything behind and not look back.

Dealing with and moving on from the manipulations and manipulative behaviors can be more difficult.

Putting Together the Puzzle Pieces of Stalking Behavior

Putting the pieces together involves a great deal of looking back through multiple lenses. Putting the pieces together means asking yourself a lot of questions, second guessing, walking through multiple scenarios and finding those blind spots and shining a light on them.

When a stalker uses multiple methods to harass and abuse this can be even more frustrating sorting through all of the behaviors. The urge to question yourself and what is real is tough. You have to question yourself. Clearly you missed your own blindspots so yes, questioning yourself is a part of bringing those blindspots to life.

People tend to use whatever means to appear attractive when they want to be desire-able to ‘an audience’. Appearing to be something they really are not because they will get a favorable response in many circumstances or will get what they want.

And you are living your life alongside this dynamic and not doing the same thing for the same reason or purpose… thus blind spots are born.

So for people who do have the ability to manipulate, especially in extreme, and be believed there is a clear benefit. There is an awareness of the blindspot and the desire to use it to their advantage.

Ill Gotten Gains & the Con

What has bothered me about our stalking situation is it there’s a quality of ill gotten gains.

It’s that corrupt quality that you can’t quite put your finger on but you want to shower after you come across it.

This is the same quality of smarmy that you see with envious people that stare at and obsess over others or the jealous type to assume that they are entitled because they have a want or they’re feeling possessive.

In all of these cases all of these types tend to never leave room for the fact that a they might be wrong. They might be wrong for reasons that they are not even considering. Assumptions fueling envy, jealousy and insecurities could be fundamentally flawed if not incorrect for reasons they don’t even know.

In our case, after literally years of harassment, burglaries, property damage, cyber stalking, phone stalking, phone hacking, the sense of the mental/emotional state of the perpetrator is this sense of an overwhelming desire of entitlement to do whatever whenever and to whomever.

So, I’m left here thinking someone or someones have put so much effort into doing this they can’t give a thought to being wrong for a reason that they don’t know or can’t even begin to control or influence because, that would mean the fundamental premise of their efforts was incorrect to start with.

This in turn leaves room for the possibility that everything we’ve had to endure might actually be meaningless from our perspective because we may not be whatever it is if they think we are.

Can you get any more convoluted than this? Yes.

What stands out the most is this sense of ill gotten gains;

  • the theft
  • the break-ins
  • the stealing
  • the constantly moving things around in an environment (when no one is there)

Is this some sense of entitlement or incredibly misplaced belief that an ‘effect’ will magically manifest? Or is it just one big con? Pay attention to the shiny object while something else is happening in your blindspot. There is nothing wrong with this, in the world of ‘normal’ people. It is human for people to put their best foot forward. I think somewhere underneath we all know to some degree that we are a work in progress.

Everything that they did steal did manage to manipulate did manage to damage is all ill-gotten gains.

What this will actually mean for these folks I may never know we may never know our family may never know. 

Updated in November 2021