Background & Foreground: How We Relate to Our Environment
I have really only come across a few different types of people when it comes to relating to a physical environment.
- Those who have a certain restlessness and have a tendency to move things around in their environment very often.
- Those who may not change their surroundings for years.
Two things stand out to me as being interesting about these types of people. One is the sensitivity of people who do change up their physical environment very often. These folks (I will apologize now for any incorrect generalization) tend to be observant of their surroundings and the people in them with an expectation attached. By this I mean they don’t have much detachment in their natures. Whatever it is they are attached to, they are often very attached.
Folks who tend to leave things be in their physical surroundings (at least the ones I have known) show a capability of being more detached and objective to observing (again, may not always be the case) what is going on around them.
Part of this basis is my family has these two distinct types. I expect a more realistic assessment would include other variations of tendencies within these two with different variations altogether as well.
Background Changes: Maybe You will Notice, Maybe You Won’t.
With the experience we have seen with our stalker, using things in the background of the environment has been very important. As a source of crazy making, constantly manipulating everything from furniture to what is in a pantry to bookshelves, etc. has been a central part of the harassment at the core of the stalking.
Early on several years ago, it started as just little things being moved around. Not terribly noticeable but, after a while… it starts to cause doubt.
Did I leave this there? Hmmm… I could have sworn that… I left this in the kitchen, how did it get into the bathroom?
Then after some simple photos, yes, before and after photos cleared up any doubt that yes these items were not moving around on their own. Someone was moving them, and breaking into the house to do so.
It is the creep factor… Bit by bit these household items would appear, disappear and move around the house in different locations. Then they would disappear altogether, some of them anyhow. Sometimes they came back..
Who does this?
Simple before and after snapshots will prove this while surveillance systems will show the guilty culprit/s
Crazy Making: The Gift that Keeps on Giving
Crazy making is a common practice in any controlling and abusive relationships. You also see it as a part of bullying and as a whole, crazy making is central to abusive behavior between people.
Basically, if you can get the person to doubt themselves then they start doing the work for you. If the object of the abuse, bullying, stalking and controlling behaviors is already tired, worn down, doubting and generally down on themselves then the abuse becomes easy. See how crazy making works in stalking situations?
The abuser gets several bonuses from this type of behavior. First, the abuser just doesn’t have to work as hard. Secondly, they may even get the benefit of being seen as a hero to the abused if they don’t fully know, or just don’t want to fight or flee.
At this point the stalker (or abuser) gets to define pretty much any and every aspect of the stalked’s life if they are not put in their place. They may even not have to be so overtly abusive because the object of their abuse may genuinely need them to keep them safe from the boogie man coming after them… Yes, super creepy.
Stalking is one of those behaviors that if not stopped harshly in the beginning can turn into a complete nightmare if not a fatal one. The lack of consequences screams approval to the stalker if not validation that the choices they are making are correct and they should proceed.
See how this works… A non-response is a green light when it comes to stalkers and crazy making.
Well, that may work with some people… And maybe it’s all that piss and vinegar I have been endowed with but I’m just not feeling it. The cycle of abuse just gets more and more obvious with me. These abusive people just look worse and worse…
And well, if they are stupid enough to do this crap in the age of the Internet, then they deserve a well structured marketing campaign displaying their activities.
Yes, These Tables Can be Turned
So back to a more conservative approach…
When these people once held a close place in your life, the hardest thing may be to see them in a light that shows them for who they are versus what they are showing you. This means making a decision to break with that person at least internally.
In some cases you may have to be quite an actress if you are dealing with someone who is showing tendencies that cause you to think there is a risk to your personal safety or your family’s.