A large part of the reason for this blog is to share what the experience has genuinely been like. Our experience has been one of those cases where the stalking has gone on for over 5 years (yes, we are a statistic).
We wanted to expose the gradual aspects of the process. Stalking only becomes clear after things have been going on for a long time. The clarity comes from eliminating other options based on proof.
When Assumptions Become a Mountain to Climb
In our experience everyday circumstances have gone from relatively harmless everyday behaviors to, everyday behaviors being used as a way to threaten, attack and harm. The purpose? This could be for many reasons but the range of attacks include:
- property damage
- break ins
- tampering with your vehicle
- broken windshield
- tracking cell phone devices
Because everyday events and communications that other people had with our stalker were benign if not positive thsi has been next to impossible to demonstrate that there was any issue at all. In addition, this person has a higher standing in the area where we lived, so there was no voicing these concerns with anyone who knew them.
To anyone and everyone in the local area, it was just not believable that they would do such a thing, let alone harbor any ill will severe enough to carry out any of this.
So, you see the final mountain that had to be climbed. To have any sort of ability to follow through with any legal action with any kind of success, we had to have irrefutable proof that this person was committing these crimes. But to others, they gave a very different show in their appearance, affect and persona to the local community.
Then there is law enforcement and that mountain to climb…
Why didn’t we move? We thought about it, a lot. Even spent longer stays with family elsewhere for a rest. For us it would have meant selling a house in a neighborhood where this person was well known we realized that too could be manipulated into difficulties through real estate agents and the selling process. So, the result has been to stay and deal with it. Through this blog we hope to expose not only what the patterns of our stalker has been but;
- how they did it
- the everyday methods used
- how all the regular relationships are affected
- additional details about the role technology played
- to step into the mind of the stalker
Essentially we wanted to show how these everyday relationships and events can be co-opted into something that can cause hurt and harm. Everyone has these structures, spoken or unspoken in their lives, and I know we are not the only ones who have had to deal with this.
So… this next topic is the evolution of the behavior of our stalker. I find this both very creepy and fascinating. At some point in our process a few years ago after we discovered who the stalker is I realized just how afraid they were of learning.
Think about it… When you are in the mental and emotional place of having to stalk someone, obsess and watch every move they make, glean and gather from second hand conversations bits and pieces of information, break into their home and commit numerous other crimes and then further actions would be taken with this knowledge in mind I realized the seriously twisted learning curve that was happening.
The Education of Our Stalker: At Our Expense
With every piece of information, every crime more information was being gleaned from those events, communications and circumstances on the part of our stalker.
They had the chance to refine their learning process, techniques, communications, gossip and deceptions and most importantly the assumptions they were making about their targets without ever exposing the reasoning their actions were based on (as far as we know).
All this because people require absolute proof on their terms in order to see something from the point of view of someone else.
In this case any learning of anything new must be proven because to others its an ‘assumption’ or ‘misunderstanding’ that has no basis in reality without proof. Yet the stalker’s learning process gets to evolve literally at the expense of others unchecked
Other people surrounding the stalker have their own learning curve too. And if they have a base of experiences and history with someone that defies the completely awful experience you have been having with that person, that will take precedent over anything else.
This also means that any crime that results in death, or devastating injury to the targets will come across as a ‘freak accident’ or suicide. Just read the news on any given day for numerous examples.
Personality Politics and Other Irrational Attachments
Before we address jumping to conclusions, we have to address a fundamental dislike of someone or a family which goes unaddressed.
I have never been a fan of what I would call ‘personality politics’. We have all known people who have extreme preferences in people. I like this person but not that one… etc. People like that bring such joy into our lives… just a bit of sarcasm.
In this case such extreme assumptions were being made with precious little direct contact. This meant they were getting their information through other means or the assumptions they were making were way worse than what we have been seeing.
The weakness in learning this way was the assumptions being made on the part of the stalker. Whatever the hidden case they were making was predicated entirely on assumed information, and information gained illegally. Even then further assumptions were being made on information with no context etc. You see the downward spiral?
Learning happens whether we want it to or not. This is how we learn bad habits as well as good ones. Ignorance on the other hand takes real work.
In any learning process you have to expose your process to others or some kind of a proving process(and adjust accordingly if it shows that you are incorrect) to truly learn and have any basis in verifiable information or what some would call ‘truth’.
This is the point of humbling oneself to expand our world view with the help of outside information through exposing your process. In this case the stalker’s learning process was not exposed. No fact checking for them. No reality checks on assumptions or any justification really on the reasoning they were or were not using to justify their actions.
Learning from a Learning Process Becomes a Strategic Advantage
We were able to use that to our advantage. Seriously, all they had to do was get us to think a certain way or make certain assumptions and we would walk right into the assumption they made via a setup.
If we started making different assumptions about anything form timing, to events, or used gossip to deliver false information then we learned more about what they were doing, when they would do it and who they were using as vehicles for information about what they wanted to do… phew that was a mouthful. The significance of this is that it pops the unspoken bubble of God-like powers the stalker has over the targets they stalk.
Underneath it all, they really were just building a case based on some hidden agenda. So, it is not an unreasonable assumption to think they have a goal in mind based on a untested, unproven agenda. The stalking process is the proving process that provides the proof of the ends justifying the means.
At some point in this I realized the entire learning process was based on us fulfilling the assumptions of our stalker… even though we had no idea what those assumptions were or still are.
This means that with all the layers of manipulations, deceptions, and lies they were using with the people around them as a pretense to get to us there were considerable assumptions lying under the surface that may not be known at all to others around them in their direct circle.
But, it’s all contrived from the beginning to start with. I mean after all I have a hard time believing they went home to their family letting them know that the burglary and identity theft they had been committing for the last 8 months (or longer since there were different issues that happened at different times) ended up being a good idea because they were rotten people and deserved it anyhow… but as we have learned, you never know.