Making Sense of and Making Peace with it All
As we’ve gone through our experience dealing with a stalker/s I have been finding myself thinking about a few things as we do our best to move on, heal and start anew.
What I have found with some types of circumstances including bullies, stalkers, and really bad breakups is; in some ways they’re all very unrelated. In other ways they are experiences which shares some common aspects of very bad experiences which are just hard to live with and very hard to heal from.
What Does it Mean to Heal
Something about our circumstance has not been sitting right with me.
While I’ve been trying to move on move forward and let go as best I can, something has been gnawing at me and I think I may have actually figured out what it might be.
Both manipulation and pretense has been a big topic in previous articles.
People tend to use whatever means to appear attractive when they want to be desire-able to ‘an audience’. Appearing to be something they really are not because they will get a favorable response in many circumstances or will get what they want.
There is nothing wrong with this. It is human for people to put their best foot forward. I think somewhere underneath we all know to some degree that we are a work in progress.
However, when this is used excessively and/or exclusively, (and you may not have a way to tell, until or unless things go badly repeatedly) under lying fears, anxieties or any number of other things are n=being concealed.
Putting Together a Puzzle Made of Stalking
Now I’m trying to put myself in other people’s shoes. I’ve been told that I’m a bad liar and I know my own karma is such that I don’t have the ‘get away with it juice’ that some people do okay so I’ve learned how to live with in more disciplined boundaries.
So for people who do have the ability to manipulate, especially in extreme, and be believed there is a clear benefit. I know stalkers that suffer consequences do stop or change.
Yes I’m probably making this way too hard because anyone that does something repeatedly enough there are getting some benefit even if it’s not articulated clearly, or the benefit is somehow hidden from View.
Ill Gotten Gains & the Con
What has bothered me about our stalking situation is it there’s a quality of ill gotten gains.
It’s that corrupt quality that you can’t quite put your finger on but you want to shower after you come across it.
This is the same quality of smarmy that you see with envious people that stare at and obsess over others or the jealous type to assume that they are entitled because they have a want or they’re feeling possessive.
In all of these cases all of these types tend to never leave room for the fact that a they might be wrong. They might be wrong for reasons that they are not even considering. Assumptions fueling envy, jealousy and insecurities could be fundamentally flawed if not incorrect for reasons they don’t even know.
In our case, after literally years of harassment, burglaries, property damage, cyber stalking, phone stalking, phone hacking, the sense of the mental/emotional state of the perpetrator is this sense of an overwhelming desire of entitlement to do whatever whenever and to whomever.
So, I’m left here thinking someone or someones have put so much effort into doing this they can’t give a thought to being wrong for a reason that they don’t know or can’t even begin to control or influence because, that would mean the fundamental premise of their efforts was incorrect to start with.
This in turn leaves room for the possibility that everything we’ve had to endure might actually be meaningless from our perspective because we may not be whatever it is if they think we are.
Can you get any more convoluted than this? Yes.
What stands out the most is this sense of ill gotten gains;
- the theft
- the break-ins
- the stealing
- the constantly moving things around in an environment (when no one is there)
Is this some sense of entitlement or incredibly misplaced belief that an ‘effect’ will magically manifest? Or is it just one big con? Pay attention to the shiny object while something else is happening in your blindspot.
Everything that they did steal did manage to manipulate did manage to damage is all ill-gotten gains.
What this will actually mean for these folks I may never know we may never know our family may never know.
But one thing that we certainly do know is it at some point in time everyone sits down to a banquet of consequences.