Stalking: Me, Myself and the Other

Now I don’t know about you but all the people in my head get along pretty well if not fabulously. This also goes for the rest of the family as well. However, the notion of ‘the other’ is something we all face. When it comes to stalking and the other this becomes larger than life.

In turn, this still begs the question about the abusive, secretive nature of stalker behavior… Why so secret? Do the folks in your head NOT get along? Do you need a bad guy so badly that you will make one?

The idea of the other is the universal scapegoat, the one you blame for everything, the reason why everything is so bad. When the thinking or conversation mentions how good everything would be if ‘they’ were gone then you have just traveled into the land of the ‘other’.

Acting out Fantasies Under the Cloak of Privacy

Apparently stalkers that target someone for more than 3 or 4 years fall into their own classification of people.

These folks usually have deep emotional issues combined with other issues such as anxiety, obsessions and compulsions.

Generally speaking, when people do something in secret that they would not want everybody to know or their nonverbal behaviors lead you to believe that they don’t want anyone to know, the implication is that they know there is something not good about the decisions they are making.

But none-the-less they persist.

This leads to the next implication: there’s obviously some idea, or fantasy playing out in the mind which there’s either a refusal to let go of a refusal to have that fantasy evolve or fall away.

So the result is a person who is intelligent enough and rational enough to make certain decisions yet, obsessive and fixated enough on either a person a set of circumstances or both to not let go of the desire to act out a fantasy under the cloak of privacy.

In fact they won’t let go of it at all. They are insisting that somehow they are right and if they can play out whatever fantasy in secret and produce other events that can then be presented publicly, then they can prove yet something else.

Can you say shitty?

The Illusion of Emotions

So how do we get to this lovely space or how did a person get to that space to start with?

Let’s start with a fantasy. What is a fantasy? Yeah yeah I know I guess your mind out of the gutter the point is a fantasy is a set of Illusions, ideals, concepts and images that we hold dear in our minds that we want somehow they mean something to us. Fantasies have a non-material quality to them by nature.

Fantasies and dreams play a very major role in our psyche both individually and collectively.

Yet everyone of us understands that when we watch TV or streaming video the actors are not in the TV. We also understand that the characters are portrayed by actors.

For some people those fantasies and hidden things are held in a very dear, elevated place above everything else in their minds and hearts as having far greater importance than anything else. Yet, they have to be kept secret.

Then to maintain and sustain the fantasy you have to act it out (to varying degrees somehow to keep it alive)you need enough validation from the external world to know that both you and you and your fantasy are acceptable, if not right. This thinking goes further because if there is enough validation to get that far then there is enough validation to go further and think you are netter than others.

Hence the contrived circumstances that you see with people like manipulators and stalkers and people that have hidden agendas. They all do the same thing. They’re creating contrived circumstances by manipulating the environment, circumstances and people.

What is the glue that holds all of this together?

What silent validation and motivation could a person possibly need to be a stalker?

  1. Think about how you feel if you have gotten away with something even if it’s small.
  2. Now think about the feeling of when you know something about someone else and they are not necessarily aware that you know.

With the first scenario of getting away with it there’s a rush and relief followed by that feeling of being just a teeny bit invincible, followed by a thought…   you could do it again if the conditions are right.

With the second scenario where you have knowledge yet others are not aware that you have knowledge of them… Don’t you automatically start eliminating other possibilities variables and information that made play into that knowledge, and affect a process or outcome? Doesn’t personal judgement narrow the scope of your perspective?

  1. So judgment regarding a individual or situation when you have private knowledge of it starts to become dominant in the mind of the person holding the knowledge.
  2. Now add the possibility that you may be able to influence those circumstances person.
  3. Then add that dash of get away with it well because you probably can, especially being in a trusted position of keeping information.

The Need for a ‘Bad Guy’ and the Illusion of the ‘Other’

Aside from the fact that we hear about this concept more due to the wonderfully open political climate we are enjoying, the ‘other’ is a key part of the being a stalker.

Once the mental/emotional climate is established within a person, all they need now is a bad guy to ‘vanquish’ so they can be the victor in their minds as well as in real life. This of course is after they have somehow managed to vanquish the chosen target…  er, perceived bad guy in real life.

The mental narrative that starts to play out includes a bad guy because in order to be a good guy there has to be a bad guy. In order to be a winner there has to be a loser. In order to be a wealthy person, there has to be a poor person. In order to be free, there has to be someone who is enslaved…  You see how this works?

Everyone is the hero in their own story. Everyone is right, for the most part. Everyone has had their own bad guys to overcome. Some people have real bad guys in their life to overcome.

We all have to a greater or lesser degree a good guy and a bad guy residing within each of us… but that is a while other story.

Some people need a bad guy so badly they will make one, especially if the target of this has traits that are undesirable. So, you have your stalkers playing out their issues in the cloak of privacy, hoping for a translation of their agenda to appear based on what they have done. Any success validates the parlor trick and elevates their behavior to the level of magic in their eyes.

All of this without any genuine connection to others which in the case of  better mental and emotional health would break down these mental and emotional barriers and allow people to not live in the fantasies of their own minds so much. Until then for the stalker it’s me, myself and the ‘other’.