Stalking: When the Fantasies and Ideals around Idealized Relationships Fall Away

After dealing with a stalker for some time and going through all the ups and downs coping and rationalization required to survive, becomes apparent with stalking numerous things are happening at once.

• You have the background attitudinal elements of an environment which allows judgmental thinking to grow.
• You have emotional thinking and attitudes supporting the manipulative tendencies.
• There may also have passivity which often allows a more aggressive person to settle into their aggressive patterns.
• There also may be people that just aren’t seeing the stalker for who they are.

Basically, all kinds of tunnel vision and emotional navel gazing.

So how did we get where we are? How does a stalking circumstance, get so deep before people open their eyes to the relationships that both unconsciously support the stalking or who never saw it in the first place?

Like most things you have to have the right environment for something to thrive. For stalking to succeed there is  likely will include a great deal of passivity with undercurrents of judgy attitudes within what may be a good group of people.

Anytime there is one person who is able to lead a dual life successfully regardless of what they are doing for any length of time beyond planning a surprise birthday party, they are not being seen by those around them.

Some people need to be seen and need to be told they are seen.

The hard part about this is going to this kind of circumstance to discover that you had fantasies and ideals about people in your life and your relationships that were out of touch and unreasonable to start with.

The Fairy Tale We Tell Ourselves About People We Love

This is the fairy tale we can’t necessarily articulate and yet we hold it in such high regard that we miss what is in front of us, good and bad.

Sometimes we hold ideals about people, things, and relationships in such high regard and we don’t necessarily know that we’re doing it. Then a circumstance may come about such as being the object of a stalker or having one as a stalker as a part of the family and everything gets challenged.

The Realities About the People We Love

For anyone like a stalker, manipulator, or a bully to have a dual life, and be successful at it, there has to be enough of a blind spot in the minds and hearts of those around them to support that. For that scenario to happen people have to believe something else with such totality that a dual life doesn’t even seem possible, let alone one that would intend to harm others or commit other crimes to reach their stalking goals.

For the stalker, manipulator and or bully, those supporting relationships are going to be very important for them to hang on to. Those supporting relationships is a large part of what allows them to get away with the dual life they are living.

This is where good people end up supporting bad things while going on and believing what they believe about someone and not seeing anything else that they’re doing.

This is the hard part about  when the fantasies and ideals about the people in our life and relationships starts to fall away.

Something in the perspectives of the larger community that these people are in is completely missing them. They are not being seen in some way and have found a space to be able to do illegal and destructive things to others successfully.

Yes I know the sounds like one of those droning psychological things that there’s absolutely no into but you know …  this is very likely one of those scenarios where there is no answer. At least not yet.

All I can say at this point is these types of circumstances are the result of many small decisions over time and like any other healing process, there is a good chance it will also require many small decisions over time to change.