Stalking and Learning as the Ultimate Emotional Prison

If stalking and learning is the ultimate prison then a person’s blind spots about themselves and their unconsciousness is the bars, and lock. Awareness and consciousness through self reflection and self seeing is the key to freedom. Well only figuratively, you may still be very literally dealing with a potentially harmful stalker who might just kill you if they could.

“just because you are paranoid does not mean they are not out to get you”

Perspective and Perceptions in Relationships

So, how does stalking become the ultimate emotional prison? And who is actually prisoner? Of whom or by what? Any time you have more than one person in a relationship (which is everyone) of any kind you have at least 2 people having their own experience at the same time as a shared experience is happening. There is always the overlapped dynamic as we personally learn and develop simultaneously as we also contribute to a connection outside of ourselves. Those two processes happen alongside each other over time. Stalking is essentially someone who feels a connection to someone else yet, that other person may not know it. For people who obsess over others, it is their feelings being stimulated by something in the other person even if the accuracy of the perceived connection ends up being proven false. At some point, truth is irrelevant. The fact that the person who is the target is a stimulus seems to be much more important.

The Role of Attention in Shaping Perceptions

Assuming you grew up in a stable happy family you have genuine connection with parents and family members where you receive as well as give attention alongside the process of growing up and learning everything you learn about how to live, speak, dress, act etc. This builds the ability to have, share and extend attention to others into the various ways we share different aspects of ourselves in relationships through out our lives. You are both seen and you see in this type of a household. In my father’s case of growing up in a very alcoholic family you are never seen as a child. The parent/s are always looking at life through a bottle. The constant gnawing desire for a drink over shadows the people who have direct relationships with the alcoholic. As a kid in that household, you continue to develop and learn anyhow (because learning happens whether we want it to or not) even though you are never really genuinely seen by your parents. As a result your connections are more to the ‘negative spaces’ in relationships. Emotionally this creates a heightened sensitivity to the negative spaces or what is unspoken, left out or the more unconscious side of behavior in relationships. What is omitted in a conversation, what is implied rather than explicit, what people leave out and body language becomes more important than direct communication.

Habits, Like Learning, Happen Whether We Want Them or Not

As a result, a whole genre of bad habits get cultivated meany of which will vary depending on the flavor of weird for the given situation. Suspicions and sneaking around. Going through someone’s belongings because they suspect something and want to confirm it but when it’s when to be wrong no responsibility is taken for the trespass. In my father’s case, his father was the alcoholic and he was not the abusive drunk he was the self destructive sneaky alcoholic. My father was articulate and highly, highly observant and he was amazingly accurate as a judge of character and could see a great deal more about people than I could. But he also struggled with bouts of depression from time to time and probably a great deal more bad feelings than he ever let on to. So, I share this to offer a contrasting perspective because when it comes to the stalker, we may never know their perspective or if there is some kind of pain driving them. I firmly believe that there are some people who come from good families who just do rotten things…

Consciousness Built Around The Negative Space in Relationships

So, what does this mean? How can we even tell what is in the mind of a stalker? I have actually no idea… What I am sharing is the process I went through of learning about our stalker as I left different types of notes for them in various places I knew they would show up to. Taking the perspective of looking at what I usually don’t I feel I am reasonably accurate. However, I am leaving the possibility open that I may be way off. But, like I said earlier, I may never know. What I do know about people who have these types of issues is a strange type of passive aggressive which produces the illusion of intuition but is built with more information. Information gleaned from second hand information and gossip, information from the process of watching every move someone makes for years, and information from the process of poking at someone (without them necessarily knowing they are being poked at) and watching their responses over and over and over. When it comes to relationships, anything that is expressed or directly communicated may be negated in their mind. This means that any conscious, expressed efforts made by others has less value than the unconscious. This also serves a duel purpose, as a way to protect attitudes, perceptions, ideas without sharing and thus exposing yourself. If this person turns on you (and if this happens, you may never know why or what triggered the switch) they may forever end up playing the “I know that you know that I know but no one else knows, that you know game.”

So Who is the Prisoner?

So we started with relationships and hat is where we come back around to. When you have this degree of misunderstanding in any relationship but especially if you are dealing with a stalker. You essentially have the circumstance of someone insisting and forcing their will and perceptions on you and your circumstance regardless of any other possible reality or truth to those circumstances. Misunderstandings put everyone in the position of being the prisoner. You become a prisoner to misunderstandings and so does everyone else involved. In the case of dealing with a stalker, it is so much more so just because they are insisting on their way without leaving any space for any possible reality outside their own chosen perspective on a person or circumstance.