self control Archives | Notes to a Stalker

Stalkers do what they do to whom they choose for so many reasons. Nearly all of them I am assuming will remain hidden. Stalking behavior seems to be trying to influence while desperately trying to remain anonymous... to act like the invisible hand of God in another's life. At least that was what ours seemed to be doing. Well, there are a few mental adjustments very badly needed for stalkers. If you are the target... understanding the role familiarity plays with abusive behavior will help you survive, understand and hopefully get rid of the stalker in your life. So, this article focuses more on the mental/emotional side of coping including some of the things I did and that my family had to deal with through our experience. Awareness of All that We Are Not Able to Control If you're honest with yourself and take a good look at your life you're going to find that there's more things in your life that you can't control what that you're responding to more than you're actually shaping. I'm not speaking for everyone I'm speaking for many people. Even those highly elevated, exceptional people very likely have many things, people and circumstance in their lives which they cannot control to an exacting level. For most of us desires aspirations drives end up being expressed in part, in response to our environment and not only from the place of shaping our environment and the various elements in our lives. Working with the Parts of Our Nature that We Can't Change So... if you are unable to yield the result you want from that place of complete 100% anonymity then what? At what point do you look at yourself, what you are doing, why you are doing it and at the very least ask, could I be mistaken? Could I have missed something? The previous point really doesn't even hint at the reality that there may be parts of our nature we are unable to change but it is a natural next step. Maybe you're more ever brooding person. Maybe you're a little bit depressive or maybe you're a little bit angry maybe you are very happy go lucky even, maybe... who cares maybe you're just you. But we all have aspects of ourselves that we can't or haven't been able to change. Have you ever noticed how sometimes when you stop forcing something to happen something else does come forward even if the thing you were trying to force doesn't happen? Maybe learning to live or coexist with what we can't change (at least not with sweeping force of immediacy) isn't such a bad thing? It's back to the whole forcing issue of controlling your external circumstances? Maybe the real issue is being bothered by what we want to change that is the real issue. Learning to live with something and not be constantly bothered by it apparently can be a challenge especially if you're stalking someone all the time. If I follow this train of thought, apparently they're so bothered that stalking is an absolute necessity. I know there has to be a pill for this. Allowing Our Perspective to Evolve for Discovery If we can't change something, is it not possible we are thinking about it wrong to start with? (Banging head against wall) To even get to this point you have to chill out long enough to make peace with yourself and your surroundings. Being upset and affected by everything that's happening around you or by one person or two people or personalities or preferences or any of those details of any one thing is bothering you that much you're not going to get to the place where you discover genuinely a different perspective. First you have to learn to live with yourself and your life. Feelings... Feelings... Feelings Yes, we all have them. In this Arena I can't speak for other people I don't know if their feelings are more intense than mine or if they're more overwhelming or if the experiences so totally encompassing that it makes anything I experienced completely pale in comparison... I just don't know. What I do know is that I do have enough self-control to look past what I'm feeling, when I am feeling it long enough to make decisions based on something else other than an emotion in that moment. There's not that many Re-Doos Do-Overs in life. We don't get that many second chances let alone third or fourth chances so at some point in the growing up process most people understand that you need to have some internal self-control to make good external decisions. This means working with your feelings usually involves checking yourself in the moment If you're too angry or too emotional should you really be making that decision? Or should you take a time out think about it for a little bit and come back when you're ready then make the decision. Because when it comes to feelings we all have them. Knowing when to Let go and When to Hang On. No I've Been Told that persistence is a wonderful quality and will help you in many circumstances. However I've known a few gamblers and alcoholics that will tell you otherwise. The point is and this refers to my original implied point of the necessity of self-awareness. You have to know when even the very best of qualities will serve you in a circumstance or where they will end up hurting you. Stalking someone does not make you family One of the hardest things about this circumstance is whether you want to or not you do get to know a person by their non-behaviors, what they don't want to see, what you do end up experiencing, what you have to clean up after having your life up-ended, and how you have to put yourself back together. It does lead to an awareness that someone else is so off-kilter they're willing to up end your life completely. This does expand your perspective of other people and their wants and needs. However this process and this experience does not make them family. Befriending or sympathizing with the person who is stalking you does not bring you peace. It may be what they want or it may not be. In our case I don't know and I don't care but I have certainly seen it here and with other people that have been through this experience where after a certain period of time there's a certain level of sympathy that comes out... for the stalker. Maybe it's just all that piss and vinegar that I've been blessed with I'm not really feeling sympathy... You may ended up with an expanded worldview on certain types of people. I certainly have changed perspective on humanity and the depth of the needs that exist with some people... but that does not make a stalker family.

self control

Stalking and Familiarity: No They are Not Family

Obsession, Stalking and the Drive to Learn