zombies

Seriously, did you expect a picture of Yoda? You have to know by now if you have read even a few of these articles... one key to surviving a stalker is embracing the dark side, or at least not being afraid of your own. Umm... in case you are having a bout of 'principle based and out-of-context morality' speaking up... don't forget if you have a stalker, they have fully embraced their dark side. So at the very least you may end up confronting someone else's dark side, so I suggest you get to know, and make peace with your own. Crazy Making - The New Standard in InCivility A few things about crazy making a general before we get into a few specifics on how to deal with it. Crazy making has been around as long as people have. Basically if there is a manipulative person with an agenda somewhere and they don't want to be honest upfront about what it is that they want they're going to be doing some crazy making. Crazy making allows manipulative and abusive people to distract, refocus, and redirect everyone else in a different direction while they get to do what they want anonymously, free of hindrance and/or free of other people knowing about it. Even the most of ordinary things I have seen manipulative people want to be completely private and anonymous about some ordinary thing and, they will do some wacked-out stuff to make sure they get their anonymity. Crazy making is also very prevalent if not the core of abusive relationships and bullying of all kinds. From playgrounds to boardrooms to governments... you're going to find crazy making everywhere. Crazy making does seem to be the new standard in InCivility. Prior to actually using any specific tactics to dealing with crazy making you have to make a decision... or at least make peace with the fact that you're going to have to become a phenomenal actor or actress to cope, deal with, solve and hopefully extract any stalkers from your life. This will mean you need to be aware of and come to terms with a few things: Don't ever expect to change the behavior of people that make decisions to use crazy making to be abusive, to stalk, harass, or bully anyone else. No explanation needed. No matter what relationship you had once upon a time with a stalker... if you know them and/or if you had any close relationship with them at all once upon a time, that part of your life and that relationship is gone. Think of this as a zombie taming... You're not getting that person that you once knew back, nor are you going to be having the relationship you once had with them again. The zombie analogy is accurate because you too can be infected with the same issues they have if you sympathize, empathize and relate just a bit too much with your stalker, bully, or abuser. Embrace the unknown. You need something to look forward to you need something to focus on that mentally takes you out of the difficulties faced everyday in the immediate circumstances. Whether the unknown is new relationships, a new location, a new job, a new marriage, whatever it is embrace the unknown like it is a brand new happy spring day. Okay now we're ready to handle crazy making like a Jedi Master. A Starting Point to Deal with Crazy Making One thing is I am not going to do is tell you this is the only way to deal with crazy making but... for people out there who have been dealing with this hopefully this will be helpful. Be Very Observant. Crazy making will bring up anything you are blind to physically emotionally and in your relationships. One of the most effective ways to use crazy making against someone is through observing. What I have learned is what someone does do consciously, will also tell you what they don't do. This is a subtle point but at what, to whom and how someone directs their attention can be very telling. This is also something that manipulators observe and use often to find points to manipulate and bully with. It is similar for stalkers as well. What you don't do and what you don't pay attention to is just as important as what, whom you DO pay attention to. Articulate Everything. When in doubt verbalize it... What this does is make sure anything that may be unspoken or assumed is out front. Assumptions and unspoken, un-articulated thoughts are conversational blind spots. Manipulators, bullies and stalkers will often think in the reverse of what is happening up within the direct view of a person's perceptions, expressions and actions. Often those things left un-spoken fill the mental and emotional space where we relax and often re-charge our selves. A big part of crazy making is unsettling those spaces where a target relaxes. Go on the Offensive. Confront someone. When someone gets weird either through conversation, a lack of conversation, non-verbal behavior, strange questions confront them. By confrontation I don't mean go off and throw a fit. Be direct, be clear and as aggressive as the situation demands. Going on the offensive may ruffle some feathers for sure but n the long run it will also make it easier for your friends and family to understand if you were having to deal with a stalker in the first place. Address any Issues at the Time they come up. This is important. Bullies don't stop until they know you are either not afraid of them and not afraid if a fight. Stalkers don't go away until they know they will face exposure and/or consequences. Letting things go to hope they will just go away does a number of things including allow your stalker to learn more about their target, habits, preferences, relationships etc. Dealing with everything as it comes up does not allow anything to fester. Whatever you do, don't kid yourself. Stalkers don't stop. Document, record, get the law involved. If you don't go file a TRO right away, consult an attorney or psychologist. In any event, be informed, and be ready to act.